I'm not okay
by Atari-chan
Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai’s left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind? KaixRei.
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai's left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind? KaixRei._

_Uhh… set after the first series? I apologise for my ignorance._

Chapter 1:

"Rei, will you get the hell up?"

Kai, feeling annoyed that his charges were still unable to get up without some serious assistance from him, wrenched open the curtains, ignoring Rei's groan of protest at the sudden light that pierced straight through his eyelids and made burning holes in his brain.

"C'mon, already! Even Tyson's up!"

Kai continued, crossing the room to stand at the foot of his teammates bed, arms folded and expression dark.

"Just five more minutes, Mariah," Rei moaned his reply, huddling further under the covers in an attempt to hide from the invasive light and sound that surrounded him.

Rolling his eyes and barely suppressing an annoyed growl, Kai leaned over and in one swift sharp movement pulled the blanket from Rei's bed, finally losing his patience with the other boy. How the hell was he supposed to work with this?

Rei quickly made his disapproval known, hissing in response to the freezing air that hit the exposed skin of his upper body and curling up in a ball. He buried his face in the pillow, muttering something about fetching water later, and Kai moved to the side of his bed and grabbed his shoulder, ready to shake him awake no matter how much he objected. As soon as he touched the other boy, however, he withdrew his hand, quickly looking Rei over before retrieving his blanket and throwing it back over him. As Rei snuggled into it in an attempt to regain his lost warmth, Kai crossed the room again and shut the curtains, before returning to his teammate's bedside and kneeling on the floor beside him. Brushing Rei's hair out of the way, he pressed the backs of his fingers to the other boy's forehead, and sighed.

"Rei…" he said quietly, and one amber eye opened blearily, "I want you to stay in bed today, okay? You're sick."

This, however, provoked the last response he wanted. Dragging himself into a sitting position, Rei objected to the comment, refusing to appear weak in front of his team captain.

"I'm not sick," he told Kai, expression earnest as he shook his head and then winced as his brain seemed to rattle in his head, "I'm not!" he repeated, just in case Kai had any doubts about his argument, but spoiled the effect somewhat by being forced to make a run for the bathroom. Or, at least, he intended to reach the bathroom, but his brain was clouded by fever and sleep, and after proceeding to tangle his legs in his blankets, he vomited spectacularly over his bed, glad at least that he hadn't hit Kai.

Now feeling completely mortified as well as sore, lethargic and nauseous, he reluctantly allowed Kai to help him by untangling him from his bed and practically carrying him into the bathroom where he bent double over the toilet, vaguely away of someone holding his hair back as he clung to the toilet seat in an attempt to support himself. Through the haze enveloping his brain, he was dimly aware of a cool hand rubbing his back soothingly, calming him somewhat.

"This is so-" he attempted to speak, but his effort was punctuated by another retch, and he struggled once more to gain control of his stomach, "embarrassing," he finished eventually, rubbing his eyes with his palms in an attempt to see more clearly.

"I _did_ say you were sick," Kai told him, but his voice was somewhat softer than usual as he released Rei's hair to fill a mouthwash glass with water, his other hand still rubbing Rei's back, "here. Wash your mouth out," he passed the glass to Rei, who accepted it gratefully, doing as he was told before attempting to stand up. The room immediately started spinning, however, and he was dimly aware of strong arms supporting him, thankfully not too near his tender stomach.

"Come on. Back to bed."

Gently but firmly, Kai guided Rei back into the bedroom, where a quick glance told him that Rei was not going to be sleeping in his own bed. Rei seemed to realise the same thing, but although he closed his eyes, unwilling to see how badly he'd humiliated himself in front of his ever-perfect team captain, Kai simply pulled the covers back on his own bed, and let Rei down there.

"Lie on your side, it helps," he said, before leaving the room.

Rei sighed, feeling guilty for being such a pain in the ass, and did as he was told, pulling the blankets up over his shoulders in an attempt to counter the cold sweat he seemed to have suddenly broken out in. Why did he have to get sick in front of _Kai_, of all people? Tyson and Max, he knew would just laugh it off later, and although Kenny would be useless at the time owing to his own weak stomach, Rei could never shake the feeling that Kai knew so much more than he was telling and was just waiting for the right moment to begin blackmailing them. And, of course, the whole showing weakness thing made him feel inferior as it was, but he couldn't imagine Kai _ever_ taking a day off training for something as insignificant as an illness, let alone being unable to reach a bathroom when he needed one.

He'd seemed so… understanding, though. A lot of guys, particularly ones who acted like Kai did most of the time, would have just up and left when he'd started puking everywhere, but Kai had stayed with him. Helped him; held his hair back; given him a glass of water… and then fucked off at the first opportunity.

Rei closed his eyes, suppressing tears he felt welling up in his delicate state, and pulled the blankets closer around him. As he forced himself to relax, however, telling himself that he didn't want Kai seeing him like this anyway, the Russian boy reappeared, setting a glass of water down on his bedside table and unwrapping a gel icepack. Brushing Rei's hair back, he held it against his forehead, gently holding his head still as he attempted to withdraw from the sudden cold.

"You okay?" Kai asked quietly, almost looking concerned as he retrieved a digital thermometer from his pocket.

Rei gave him a dark look, which was returned with an almost smile. Vaguely, Rei wondered why he could never show any emotion in its entirety.

"Open," Kai said, touching the end of the thermometer to Rei's lips and nodding as the other boy did as he was told, "hold this," he tapped the icepack, and again Rei did so, his eyes never leaving Kai's. Evidently satisfied, however, Kai stood, but froze as Rei grabbed his wrist.

"Don't leave…" Rei pleaded, but released Kai's arm as the other boy looked at him, expression neutral as ever. There was a short pause before he spoke.

"I'm not going anywhere. But if I don't clean that up-" he nodded in the direction of Rei's bed, and the Chinese boy winced at the memory, "it'll only get worse. Get some sleep."

Again, he knelt down beside Rei, retrieving the thermometer and checking the number it displayed before pocketing it again.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said, and as Rei looked at him, evidently unconvinced, added; "I promise," before leaning over to gently close Rei's eyes for him. With a satisfied smile, Rei snuggled down into his covers, comforted somewhat, and Kai rolled his eyes although there was obviously affection in the gesture. Getting to his feet, he headed into the bathroom first to flush the toilet before fetching a bucket of water and a sponge from the kitchen.

_It was going to be a long day…_

End 

_Yes, I know. Painfully short. but do you like it?_

_Well, that was inspired by… my intense rivalry with the lovely Mimi Kon. She's got 86 reviews so far and I plan to kick her ass, so what say you, folks? I'll mail you a cookie if you review! Really, I will. I'm that desperate._


	2. Chapter 2

_Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai's left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind? KaixRei._

_Thanks to all you guys for your wonderful reviews! At the moment I'm one ahead ofMimi's first chapter, and your cookies are in the mail!_

Chapter 2:

In his exhaustion, it only took Rei a few moments to let sleep claim him, but in his fever his sleep was plagued by dreams. Convinced he was surrounded by fire, he ran blindly through the scene in his mind, calling out for someone- anyone- who would help him.

"Rei!"

He started as he heard a voice, the voice of someone he trusted, and turned in all directions in an attempt to find him. He would help him, he knew he would!"

"Rei, wake up!"

Wake up? But this wasn't sleep! It couldn't be… it was real, too real to be something conjured up by his imagination. And why was nobody helping him? They'd left him… abandoned him, just like-

What had to be an entire lake of cold water hit his face, and in his shock he forced his eyes open, breathing heavily as he took in his surroundings and attempted to recover from the scare, his heart thumping madly in his chest. After a moment, his eyes found Kai, who was standing over him, looking somewhat concerned and holding an empty glass, which he set on the bedside table as he sat on the bed, wordlessly helping Rei into a sitting position before dabbing gently at Rei's face with a towel, trying to dry him in case it made his illness worse with his other hand on the back of the other boy's neck, holding him still.

"You alright?" he asked after a moment.

Rei nodded, "Yeah. It's just a dream, right?"

He smiled slightly, but Kai looked unconvinced. Although, considering Rei had spent an unnervingly long time thrashing in his sleep and crying for help from various people, this was pretty unsurprising. His suspicions were confirmed as Rei looked away at the first opportunity, staring intently at the bedcovers as the tears began to start. He tried to blink them away, frustrated with himself for showing weakness in front of Kai, but they still fell, landing on Kai's blanket.

"Want to talk about it?"

Rei looked up in surprise as Kai actually sounded as though he cared. About _him!_

"My mom… died in a fire when I was about five…" he admitted, breaking the eye contact once again as Kai frowned slightly, "I remember… hearing her yell at my father to take me and just leave her. He tried to save her as well, of course, but…" he trailed off, swallowing with some difficulty as the account made suppressed emotions renew themselves. He waited for the standard response; a meaningless apology for his pain, or an awkward pause, but almost the last thin he had expected was for Kai to tilt his chin up, brushing his tears away with a gentle touch many believe impossible for the Russian.

"Did you tell anybody?" he asked, moving as more tears fell to brush them away again.

"Lee… and my father knew, of course." Despite the unexpectedness of the question, Rei replied, watching Kai curiously as his expression failed to change.

"What did you tell him?" Kai met Rei's eyes with surprising ease.

Rei frowned, unsure about the relevance of the question, but answered all the same, "Just that me and my mother were in the house… and my father tried to save us, but… only got me."

Kai nodded, holding Rei's hair back as he wiped Rei's eyes with a cool, damp cloth. Appreciating the effort, and feeling a little calmer, Rei forced himself to stop the tears, suddenly feeling embarrassed for getting so emotional so easily.

"It wasn't your fault," Kai said as he put the cloth down, as though there had been no gap in the conversation. Rei stared at him, unsure of what to think about the comment. Okay, so he _had_ blamed himself to a certain extent- he could have found his own way out if he hadn't been such a coward; or if he'd stayed at Lee's then she could have been saved, but… how did Kai know that?

"They way you told Lee made it sound as though it was your father's fault. But… from how you told me, it's obvious where you really place the blame. It wasn't your fault."

"If I hadn't been there-" Rei started to say, but Kai cut him off in a voice slightly higher in volume than usual.

"It was the logical thing to do. You had most of your life ahead of you. It was _not_ your fault."

Again he repeated himself, and Rei, slightly startled by this sudden display of compassion and understanding, nodded his acceptance.

"Say it," Kai ordered, and glared as Rei dared to look doubtful for a moment.

So, with evident reluctance, the Chinese boy said quietly, "It wasn't my fault."

"Louder," Kai said, and Rei stared at him for a moment before the glare intensified.

"It wasn't my fault," he said, his voice louder although it cracked in the middle. Kai, however, was still not satisfied.

"Again," he continued, and Rei gave him an exasperated look. Did he seriously enjoy tormenting him that much?

"It wasn't my fault!"

Channelling his frustration into his speech, Rei returned Kai's glare with a rather impressive one of his own, but frowned as he realised that he _did_ feel better for letting his emotions out. Smiling slightly as he knew that his efforts had been successful, Kai got to his feet, taking Rei's waterlogged pillow with him.

"Gonna go swap this with Tyson's," he said as calmly as ever, acting as though nothing had happened.

"That's cruel," Rei followed his lead, although his breathing was somewhat heavier than usual, and his eyes were still slightly narrowed as Kai, once again, showed his superiority without even seeming to try.

"Would you rather keep it?" Kai arched an eyebrow, and Rei looked at him for a moment before sighing and shaking his head. Giving a small snort of amusement, Kai left the room, returning a few moments later with a dry pillow, which he placed on Rei's bed before guiding the other boy into a more comfortable sleeping position.

"Get some sleep," he said, getting the strangest feeling of déjà vu as he said it, and Rei nodded, yawning as he settled down and kicked his covers aside, evidently feeling warmer than he had earlier. Kai folded the cloth he'd used earlier, and placed it on Rei's forehead, but as he withdrew his hand, idly stroking the back of a finger down Rei's cheek, the other boy moved his head, gently pressing his lips against his hand in a soft kiss.

"Thanks," Rei said by way of explanation as Kai froze, looking at him. Rei, however, took some delight in the shock that had crossed his team captain's face, if only for a moment. So he _was_ human after all.

After a moment, Kai managed to regain control of his body and reclaimed his hand, kissing the tips of his fingers before touching them to Rei's cheek, offering a slight smile as the other boy understood the gesture and, suddenly looking a whole lot happier, settled down to sleep again.

After watching the other boy for a moment with the same expression on his face, Kai seemed to suddenly realise what he was doing, and frowned slightly. Had he just indirectly kissed a member of his team? Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair before retrieving his book from its place on the floor and curling up once more on the bay window seat.

_He could have sworn he hadn't been gay that morning…_

End chapter 2

_Yuck, part of this bears a horrible resemblance to a certain other fic of mine. And the chapters are hideously short because I want to get things up once I've typed them instead of making you guys wait like I usually do!_

_But I hope you enjoyed it anyway! If you didn't, tell me why! I can change, I swear!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai's left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind? KaixRei._

_Whoops! Sorry about the wait! This chapter's longer though, which is kinda why it took so long to update. Oh, and I've decided I hate this story. Yuck. I'll do my best to finish it, though, if you guys want! But I had to update cuz Mimi just got a new fic!_

_But thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They make me so happy! I love you all! Anyone looking for a willing wife?_

_I hate this chapter. If you don't like it, tell me and I'll get rid of it and just post what was going to be ch4 as ch3._

Chapter 3:

Rei woke up only half an hour later, glancing at the clock and groaning as he saw just how little he had missed. He was so bored that sleep was a preferable alternative to being awake, but despite how lethargic he felt and how difficult it was to keep his eyes open, he didn't seem to be able to actually drift off! It was so frustrating! And, of course, his temperature changed every few hours, adding to his discomfort and making it even more annoying that he had to be stuck in bed all day with nobody but the less than sociable Kai for company. Sure, he was great when Rei was throwing up everywhere and needed help with his coordination, but for entertainment? He might as well talk to a tea cosy. Although, at a stretch, tea cosies were kind of cuddly, while Kai… he was like one of those ornaments you see in museums, with "please do not touch" signs on them. You could look all you wanted, and it was a terrifyingly good view, but that was it…

"Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer."

Rei started at the sound, and realised suddenly that he'd been staring unknowingly at Kai, or at least in his direction, for the last few minutes. Without even looking up from his book, the other boy had managed to completely humiliate him once again by doing nothing but simply being himself.

"Sorry, I just-" Rei started, but even as he paused to think about what to say next he knew it was useless. Kai always seemed to know exactly what it was that he was going to say anyway, "Oh, whatever. Where are the others?"

"I gave them the day off. They're seeing a movie."

Kai still didn't look up, his eyes following the lines of text without losing speed even as he spoke.

"You stayed, why couldn't they?" Rei frowned, a little insulted, and finally Kai spared him a glance.

"Because I told them in no uncertain terms that if they disturbed you in any way, I'd give them three extra hours of training a day for the next month."

His voice as monotonous as ever despite the implied violence of his words, Kai replied, watching Rei a little curiously as the other boy apparently sunk into something of a depression.

"Why did **you** stay?"

Kai's eyes narrowed slightly at the question as he considered how best to answer. The initial reason: 'because you obviously can't handle this by yourself' would hardly inspire confidence in his teammate, but what else was there to say? As he showed no sign of answering, however, Rei continued.

"I mean I'm sure you've got better things to do. This can hardly be even mildly entertaining for you…"

"It's not that bad," Kai muttered; glad to avoid the first question, if only for a moment, and sighed as Rei looked unconvinced, "Do you want me here?" he asked simply, eyebrows raised.

"Well…yeah," Rei admitted somewhat reluctantly.

"And I want to be here. So there's no problem."

And, with the conversation promptly ended, Kai returned his attention to his book.

"Bet you're used to that…"

"What?" frowning, he looked up again, somewhat surprised to hear the resentment and malice in Rei's tone. He knew fever could make some people act a little strangely, but this was… scary. Rei was usually so calm and collected, and to see him with his eyes slitted and to hear his voice that low... Something was very wrong, and from the sound of things it had been for a while.

"There being no problem. Since you're so fucking perfect."

"I'm not perfect, Rei," calmly, Kai replied, although he was surprised to hear Rei swear in such an offensive way. He did his best not to show it, however, as he had encountered people who were permanently like that before, and knew they'd pick on any weakness they could find, particularly when their problem was his apparently perfection.

"Aw, c'mon. You know you are."

Rei was smiling slightly, and if it hadn't been for his expression he would have sounded like he was teasing… there was just something in his voice Kai hadn't heard before. It was disturbing in that it was so different to his usual character, but what was even scarier was the way it was actually kind of attractive, in a kinky sort of way…

"I'm not, Rei," Kai said simply, refusing to play games with someone who was obviously not in their right mind. It wasn't just for _his_ image, though; he knew that if Rei really felt that inferior to him, encouraging him to embarrass himself further would hardly bring about a positive response.

"Oh, you've got issues, right? What'd you do, kill somebody?"

Now that had obviously been a joke, but Kai could hardly reply in a manner that was both truthful and tactful. He chose not to say anything, instead giving Rei a dark look that took a minute for him to process. Once he did, though, Rei's malicious smile faded in an instant, and he drooped visibly as he realised just what he'd done.

"Oh…" he said, suddenly feeling rather cold and pulling his blanket closer around him, "I'm sorry, Kai. I don't know what-"

"It's okay," Kai insisted, but it was obvious that he wanted to end the conversation there, "You're feverish. It's understandable."

"But you've been so nice to me…"

Rei felt like a child, meek and begging for forgiveness for something he'd done without meaning to. He played with a corner of his cover, his eyes lowered to avoid meeting Kai's.

"Oh yeah, because you've always been such an asshole to me."

Kai's heavily sarcastic reply, however, made him smile slightly.

"Well, there is that," he said, "You're a nice person, Kai. You just hide it well."

Kai looked at him, "I wouldn't go that far."

Still smiling slightly as fever clouded his brain, Rei asked something he knew he'd never have dared to otherwise.

"Who'd you kill?"

Again Kai looked up, Rei meeting his gaze with some difficulty but holding the eye contact until Kai broke it to put his book down, finally giving his full attention to the conversation.

"One of the Balcof workers," he said simply, but as a look from Rei urged him to continue, he did so, somewhat reluctantly, "the one who killed my parents. I shot him. In the head."

"You wanted revenge?"

Kai's eyes narrowed slightly at the pity he saw openly in Rei's expression, but he answered the question anyway. He didn't like to keep secrets from his teammates; it just made things so much more difficult when they eventually found out, but if he'd mentioned to Tyson or Max that he was a murderer… he didn't want to think about what would happen to the team. Rei, though, just seemed so… understanding. Well, Kai assumed he understood, since he hadn'tpreviously encountered anything other than the grim indifference shown by his fellow Balcof students.

"He was threatening one of my teammates. It was the logical thing to do; I had to choose between the two of them," Kai shrugged, repressing the more emotional responses that threatened to make themselves known as memories began to surface in his mind. Rei's unusually prolonged silence, however, caused him to ask a question of his own.

"Wouldn't you do the same? If the person who started that fire was threatening Mariah's life, wouldn't you kill them?"

Rei frowned, avoiding Kai's eyes again as he pretended to think about it. It was no contest, really; if he had to choose between losing Mariah; having her killed right before his eyes, he'd pull the trigger in an instant. But it was still wrong, and… Kai was dismissing it as though he felt no guilt or remorse for murdering someone in cold blood. He could talk about it and defend his choice with the same stony, unfeeling expression as always.

"Do you regret it?" Rei asked eventually, avoiding answering Kai's question since he knew that Kai already knew what he was thinking.

"I don't regret saving the life of somebody I love. The fact that I had to kill someone is… regrettable, but unavoidable. That man ruined a lot of lives and he deserved a lot worse than the painless death I gave him.

Kai's eyes were cold, his expression set, and Rei struggled to comprehend just what he was seeing. Was it defence against the accusation that he was a completely heartless bastard, or he just arguing his point of view? Was he truly affectionless, or just logical? And having been taught that from a young age… was it truly what he believed in?

Gods, Rei hated this. He hated having Kai answer his questions only to create more! It was so frustrating! If he kept asking, would he only end up wanting more answers to the seemingly infinite ambiguities that surrounded Kai's life?

But… that wasn't it. It wasn't just the number of answers, but the number of answers he didn't know already. He cared about Kai a lot; it was only natural after spending so long with him, but… could he really love someone who could, at any time, come out with a revelation like this one and reveal entirely new sides of his personality?

"You know what my grandfather did?" Kai continued, and Rei looked up at him again, surprised to hear him venturing information voluntarily,"I was fourteen; I had just killed someone in cold blood, and he laughed. Smiled, and congratulated me on the accuracy of my shot. He didn't care that this guy was dead, just that I'd missed the hostage he'd spent so long training."

"That's fucked up," Rei couldn't think of anything else to say as, yet again, he was forced to take in new information.

"That's my family."

Kai reached once more for his book, assuming that the conversation was over, but Rei refused to let him stop there. He couldn't just say something like that and expect him not to ask again!

"Which teammate?" he asked, curious to know just whom it was that Kai had referred to as someone he loved. It had obviously been a slip, since the rest of the time he'd ignored the more emotional factors involved in his argument, but if Kai was letting his guard down in front of Rei enough to let something like that slip, then surely he was getting _somewhere_.

"Tala."

Kai kept his book closed but left it on his lap as he looked at Rei again, eyes narrowed slightly in what Rei had come to know as his confused expression. He wouldn't show it openly, of course; he couldn't appear ignorant in any way, but it was obvious that he was struggling to comprehend him.

"Why do you care?" Kai asked eventually, and Rei blinked, slightly taken aback by this enquiry. Kai's tone wasn't dismissive, as the question might suggest, though,but curious, as though he simply didn't understand.

"Because…" Rei began, but realised quickly that he had no idea how to continue. What could he say? "I guess…I just… want to understand you. Y'know?"

Kai continued to look at him for a moment, but then sighed and shook his head, returning his gaze to the book on his lap, although he didn't open it. He was obviously thinking, and confused about just what Rei's comment had meant, but, like his teammate, had no idea how to put how he felt into words. After a while, he opened his mouth to say something, but Rei got there first.

"Sleep. Yeah, I know," he said, unable to hide his annoyance at being told what to do yet again. He noticed Kai smile slightly, though, and felt a little better in the knowledge that he understood _something_ about his team captain, even if it was suddenly slightly unnerving to be left sleeping and defenceless in the same room as him. Yawning, Rei settled down again, pulling his duvet up over his shoulders and lying on his side to face away from Kai before closing his eyes again.

Unbeknownst to Rei, Kai looked up again to frown thoughtfully at the duvet-covered mound in the bed before him, suddenly filled with doubt. Rei had never let him down before, but… what if he thought that he was some kind of affectionless psychopath? He had finallyfound someone that he trusted enough to reveal a secret like that to, but it _was_ quite a lotto take in. What if he lost the only person -outside of Balcof- that he'd ever really trusted?It would hardly do anything for the team's morale, especially if he told the others…

_Well, at least Tyson would never dare to complain about his pillow…_

End chapter 3:

_Whoops, I keep adding trauma! It's not good! But it gives them something to talk about…_

_And I've had questions about my cookies, but you can't blame me if they got lost in the mail! It's the British postal system, damnit! The British postal system!_

_Oh, and if you don't mind an initial rape scene (it's over fast i swear! You can skip it!) then please read my A Whole New World fic because it's my favourite, but none of you guys seem to like it that much! It's Michael/Tala, a little weird, but I made it so cute!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai's left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind? KaixRei._

_Wow. You guys are so great! 44 reviews… I hadn't been online in ages and saw that and it just made me want to write more! Thank you all so much!_

_Oh, and don't worry, **TalaKaiReiLover**, Kai and Rei will be getting together. When, though, is up to me! Although I may be persuaded with enough reviews… I'm just slightly competitive._

Start chapter 4:

Rei woke up the next morning feeling distinctly uncomfortable. His head hurt less; he felt a little safer than before about being 2 feet off the ground; and he could sit up relatively easily, but there was something sharp digging into his shoulder.

He attempted to find it, groping around for a moment before realising that the object in question was, in fact, inside his pillowcase. Or Tyson's pillowcase, he reminded himself as he lay on his front, propping himself up on his elbows as he reached into the pillowcase to find whatever was hidden inside of it. He pulled it out, frowning as he realised it was a small book, about A5 size. The cover was plain black, but as Rei opened it to the first page, he realised that it was a comic. A doujinshi in fact, judging by some of the comments on the first page.

He turned another page, and his frown deepened as he recognised what were quite clearly cartoon versions of their team. They looked pretty freaky, and Cartoon-Rei seemed to have developed some rather effeminate characteristics somewhere along the line. Sometimes he really hated his hair…

He turned a page. Cartoon-Tyson, Cartoon-Max and Cartoon-Kenny were going out, but Rei's cartoon self had sad something about not feeling too well and going to bed early. Although, come to think of it, he did look slightly flushed, a pink tinge spreading across his cheeks. Cartoon-Kai was leaning against the wall, arms folded, in the background. For a moment, Rei's gaze lingered on him, wondering vaguely how he managed to be so hot even with an outline. Some guys just had it all…

Rei shook his head violently, trying to quell the resentment that was rising up inside of him again. Kai had problems just like everyone else! In fact, he had more than most, which, really, was even worse since he still managed to rack up more fangirls than the rest of the team put together. The strong and silent image really had its advantages; Kai could be completely rude to fans and they'd squeal in delight; he could spit in someone's face and they'd never wash again…

Blinking a few times to force his mind back to the present, Rei forced his attention back to the comic. Cartoon-Tyson, Cartoon-Max and Cartoon-Kenny has left and Cartoon-Rei was going back into the kitchen. As he passed the impossibly hot Cartoon-Kai, however, Cartoon-Rei was grabbed by the wrist and-

Rei turned another page and literally choked on his own saliva as he inhaled sharply in shock. In this comic that apparently belonged to Tyson; his teammate and friend, Cartoon-Kai had Rei's cartoon self pinned against the wall and was kissing him passionately. Cartoon-Rei, however, was hardly objecting to the attention and was, in fact, wrapping his arms around Cartoon-Kai's neck, pulling him in closer and responding with barely contained enthusiasm as Cartoon-Kai's tongue found it's way into his mouth.

A noise from just outside the room, however, caused Rei to snap out of his stunned stupor, and he hurriedly stuffed the book back inside the pillowcase as Kai returned to the room, holding a mug of what Rei's nose identified as coffee.

"You alright?" Kai asked, frowning, although he was more curious than concerned, as he joined Rei on the bed.

"Yeah! Fine!" Rei insisted, about 10 times too enthusiastic and speaking an octave or so higher than usual.

Kai looked unconvinced, arching an eyebrow as Rei's flushed face and violent denial suggested otherwise. He appeared to let it go, though, placing his mug on the bedside table and leaning over to check Rei's temperature with the palm of his hand. He felt nothing after holding a hot mug for a few minutes, however, and moved his hand to the back of Rei's neck, leaning in to touch their foreheads together. He felt Rei tense, and was forced to use his free hand to steady himself as the other boy involuntarily flinched away, unable to escape the disturbing images running through his mind and the paranoia they had induced. Kai's equable expression revealed nothing about what he was thinking, but Rei could tell he thought it was at least a little weird. Who wouldn't?

"Well, you're not getting any worse. Physically, at least." Kai said, attempting to push himself back up again but pausing as he realised he was leaning on something that was definitely not part of his bed. Something was inside his pillowcase… Tyson's pillowcase.

Rei looked away, caught between annoyed and embarrassed by Kai's implication that his mental state was deteriorating, but as he felt movement underneath his hand, and realised just what Kai was doing, he tensed, making a noise of objection as he attempted to trap Kai's hand under his arm.

"Kai, don't."

He had meant for it to sound commanding, but it turned out more like a plea as he met Kai's eyes with some difficulty. Obviously less than intimidated by this, Kai ignored him, not breaking the eye contact as he refused to let go of the item Rei seemed so intent on hiding.

"I mean it, Kai, I'm serious!" Rei added, determined to defend his friend even if it meant facing off against Kai. Okay, so Tyson might have some weird habits that _he_ didn't particularly appreciate, but nothing could compare to the humiliation he could suffer at Kai's hands if the older boy found out about his… indulgence. Still, though, he was ignored and Rei, desperation clouding his thoughts further even than his fever, made a last-ditch attempt to defend Tyson's honour.

"Kai, _please_!"

It was humiliating; pleading for Kai to stop since he knew he stood no chance of outmanoeuvring him, but it worked. Kai froze, his concern showing suddenly as Rei's tone stunned him momentarily. He looked at his teammate for a moment, before sighing, hanging his head as he apparently cursed his weakness. Rei relaxed, relieved, but as a result failed to react in time as Kai, obviously a better actor than Rei had initially thought, quickly snatched the comic, for of course that was what he'd found, from Rei's reach. He stood, moving just out of Rei's attack range, but the other boy was not known for giving up easily. Forcing himself up, he reached for the book with surprising speed, but had only managed part of the journey before his illness showed itself once more, and he slumped to the side. Kai, ever conscious of his responsibility as team captain, moved to catch him before he fell from the bed to the floor, and was actually taken by surprise as Rei appeared to make a miraculous recovery, wresting the comic from his grasp, and shifting back to sit on the item with surprising agility considering his state.

Kai rolled his eyes, _actually_ cursing his weakness this time, and Rei allowed himself a small moment of satisfaction as he realised he'd actually made an impact. As Kai turned to him, however, something of a predatory gleam in his eyes, he began to regret his decision just slightly. The Russian boy _had_ always been a little unstable…

Unstable, however, was the last word Rei would have used to describe Kai as the older boy, an almost evil smirk gracing his lips, moved towards him once more, crawling across his bed on all fours to basically straddle him before pinning his wrists to the headboard on either side of his head. Terrifying, dangerous… _incredibly_ sexy; any of those could have applied if Rei had retained enough conscious thought to identify any of the adjectives that came to mind. His instincts allowed him to struggle futilely and briefly against the strong grip on his arms, but even they were suppressed as Kai, eyes smouldering with some hidden emotion, took advantage of Rei's rather prone position to press their lips together in a soft kiss.

End chapter:

_Hahahahahahahahaha. Oh, how I love calling the shots. Don't you just hate me?_

_And yes, I know that wasn't worth the wait. I hope you liked it, though, because I actually enjoyed writing this one! I was going to make it longer, but I just wanted to post this. I've written most of the next chapter if it makes you guys feel any better!_

_Uhh… no, I don't know why Tyson owns that doujin. Maybe I'll explain next chapter…_


	5. Chapter 5

_Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai's left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind? KaixRei._

_Awww, I love you guys. Especially you, **Mi-chan**! I'm in SUCH a writing mood now, and it's all because I'm determined to kick your ass!_

_Yeah, sorry about the wait and shortness again. This is the second version of this chapter; originally it was actually only about Max and Tyson, since I felt like being mean, but then I realized I didn't actually care what Max and Tyson were doing. So here we go!_

Chapter 5:

Needless to say, the gesture took Rei completely by surprise. Okay, so their little fight had been somewhat intense at times, but _that_ was not what he'd expected to happen. Maybe it wasn't even what Kai had expected to happen. He was being surprisingly gentle, though; Rei had always imagined him as a rather rough, passionate kisser. Not that he'd been thinking about kissing Kai.

Against his own will and better judgment, Rei found himself responding to the kiss, tilting his head to make it easier and mewling softly as Kai, who had at some point snaked an arm around his waist, pulled him closer, showing some of the possessiveness Rei had just known he'd have. He was just that sort of person; he found it difficult to get close to people but when he did he wasn't about to let them go again.

Rei had to force himself not to roll his eyes, though, as Kai's free hand moved down his back. In a typical dominant, sexually frustrated fashion, Kai was doing for his ass, and not exactly subtly. Still, as Kai deepened the kiss, Rei found it difficult to care. He hadn't kissed anyone in _so long_, and experimental pecks with Lee and Kevin were nothing in comparison to this.

Kai's hand was still moving downwards; something that was unnerving Rei slightly as it moved towards a certain part of his anatomy that made him feel rather uncomfortable. Surely Kai wouldn't… hang on.

His sudden realization had been noticed, however, and Kai took advantage of Rei's slightly slower reaction time to grab the comic, blocking Rei with an arm across his chest as he attempted to retrieve it.

"That was cruel, Kai," Rei muttered, doing his best not to sulk about losing after the fight he'd put up, and not to seem disappointed by the loss of contact.

"You didn't seem to mind," Kai said dismissively, although Rei noticed that he gave him a glance to check that he _was_ okay.

Rei shrugged, "A guy's gotta eat."

He achieved his goal; Kai paused to give him a rather strange look but, unfortunately, the book was still out of Rei's reach. Sighing, he nodded reluctantly.

"Alright, you win. I can't go further than that."

Smiling slightly as his victory was acknowledged, Kai opened the book. As Rei watched with a distinct feeling of impending doom, he turned the first page, as Rei had done, and his eyes narrowed slightly as he saw just what it entailed. Another page, but his expression remained unchanged. Rei tensed, ready to restrain a possibly murderous Kai from killing their teammate. As Kai turned another page, however, he simply rolled his eyes, and Rei bit his lip somewhat nervously as he waited for the next one. He couldn't be _that_ bad, right? Surely even Kai would stop short of murder. Maiming was possible, even probable, but that had to it… although it _was_ pretty freaky. Why would Tyson have something like that? And where could he possibly have got it?

Kai turned the page. His reaction, however, was not one that Rei had even considered. He wasn't murderous, enraged or even slightly annoyed; he simply arched an eyebrow and- something that scared Rei even more- kept reading, apparently less than bothered by it. Less bothered than Rei, even.

In fact, he managed to read the whole thing before calmly handing the book back to Rei.

"Never would have guessed Tyson was a yaoi fangirl," he said simply, pointedly ignoring Rei's stunned look.

"Did you… I don't… wait, what?" Rei managed after a moment, unable to express such acute confusion in words. Kai smiled slightly, amused by the effect he'd had, and stood up, stretching before retrieving his now-cold mug of coffee.

"You want a drink?" he asked, as calmly as ever.

"I…" Rei shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts. "Yeah, sure, tea's good. But… doesn't it bother you?"

Kai shrugged, "Nobody's prefect. Tyson least of all. And it's not exactly graphic."

Rei just stared at him, unable to believe what he was seeing and hearing. As no response was forthcoming, Kai turned to leave.

"Kai!"

The voice made him turn around, and Kai's expression almost faltered as Rei, actually flushing slightly, avoided his gaze as he spoke.

"Thanks."

Kai nodded, acknowledging the sentiment, before leaving the room. As he closed the door behind him, however, and he was out of Rei's sight, his expression changed.

He was going to _kill_ Tyson. He was going to rip him limb from limb and feed him to a pack of rabid ferrets. He was going to impale him on a pointed stick and roast him over an open fire. He was going to absolutely, well and truly, completely and utterly slaughter the idiotic teenager he'd been forced to cooperate with. What the hell was wrong with him? Reading graphic comics about two of his friends. The comic, Kai could handle. The yaoi aspect wouldn't have been too much of a problem, but the idea of Tyson getting off on _him_ and Rei was enough to make him want to vomit. Thankfully it hadn't had the same effect on Rei.

_Rei_…

The poor boy had obviously been so disturbed and _still_ defended his friend. Kai couldn't have let him know just how badly he was going to make Tyson pay; Rei would have felt entirely to blame. And Kai had seen, first hand, how long Rei took to get over things like that.

Taking a deep breath, Kai forced himself to calm down. He had to conserve his energy for when Tyson got back.

He crossed to the kitchen and filled the kettle, trying his best to think of anything but the possibly torture methods he could use on Tyson. He set the kettle down again, switching it on and searching for the teabags, struggling to keep his mind on the task at hand. Trying not to think about _that_… Rei, him and Rei… that kiss.

"Oh God," Kai muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair. He hadn't meant to do that. He was just going to pin him and take advantage of his… vulnerability in order to take back the comic. But when he'd actually got Rei underneath him, _adorably_ stubborn despite his fear, he just hadn't been able to help himself. And it _had_ been cruel, messing with his emotions like that; taking his sexual frustration out on someone who couldn't even defend himself. Kai couldn't believe he'd been so _weak._

The click of the kettle's off switch brought Kai back to earth, and he poured the drinks before realizing that he hadn't actually added either the coffee or the teabag and had made two mugs of boiling water. He was seriously losing it.

Sighing, he added the necessary items, stirring absently as he wondered what to do. Rei seemed to have accepted the kiss as a part of the fight, but the fact that Kai had actually brought the kiss into the game still remained. And what did it say about him?

That Rei was attractive? That went without saying. That he was sexually frustrated? It was entirely possible. That he was slowly but surely falling in love with Rei?

Yeah, right. Like _that_ would ever happen.

End chapter:

_Oh, how boring. But they're not gonna get together just like that! I'm very proud of **adevotedlife** for actually questioning it. Thank you sweetie. And **Marz**, thank you for the essay. It made me very happy!_


	6. Chapter 6

Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai's left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind? KaixRei.

Let's Begin:

Despite Kai's repeated promptings, Rei found it impossible to sleep that night. Disappointed by his body's lack of movement, his mind had gone into overdrive, and try as he might Rei couldn't stop the numerous thoughts whizzing hyperactively around his brain. He knew he couldn't move too much; Kai was the lightest sleeper in the world and if he so much as breathed heavily, he feared to wake him, but his muscles were aching with the want to move after being stuck in bed for so long.

Kai was being so overdramatic, though! He wasn't _that_ bad… Okay, so he couldn't stand for a particularly lengthy period without the room spinning and he couldn't eat anything without throwing it straight up again but he didn't need constant supervision. If the situation was reversed, and Kai was sick, the other boy would never have let him be this protective. Although Kai could probably handle it more than he could…

So, of course, it figured that Rei should be the sick one. Maybe Kai made up for it with his variety of apparent _mental_ illnesses. He obviously had some serious trauma, and Rei still couldn't believe that he had _kissed_ him just to get that stupid book. He must have been aware of how much that would screw him up emotionally. Rei had brushed it off, trying desperately to be casual and coming off as something of a slut in the process, but it still bothered him. It was so wrong, but what worried him the most was not the fact that he had objected. He had wanted it; wanted _Kai, _and if there was ever a relationship doomed to fail it was that one.

For the first time in Rei's knowledge of him, Kai had actually shown his emotions; the past few days had seemed to bring him out of his shell and Rei didn't want to lose that. He didn't want to lose the closeness he'd convinced himself that they had. He had thought it would be enough to find out something, _anything,_ about the team captain he admired so much, but it had only made him want to know more. Answers, instead of giving him the closure Rei had convinced himself he would find, led only to further questions, and Kai had to draw the line somewhere. Rei knew that, no matter how much he wanted to, he would never know everything about his team captain. But he also knew that he would always want to know more. And that drove him insane…

Gods, life just wasn't fair. In fact, it seemed to enjoy messing with him as much as possible. He'd managed to obtain the insight into Kai's life that he'd wanted for so long… and he had kissed him. Kai had kissed him! And that was far more than pretty much everyone else in the universe, but it hadn't meant anything. Kai had used false emotions to get past him, and that wasn't what Rei wanted. What he needed. He wanted to know Kai's _real_ feelings, even if, in reality, the truth was that he felt nothing special for him at all. He'd be heartbroken, of course, and would probably cry himself to sleep every night for a week or so, but at least he'd _know_.

The more time he spent with his team captain, though, the more he began to suspect that Kai _did_ care for him. He'd never gone to this much trouble for anyone else on the team, and… he had _kissed_ him! Twice, if you counted that indirect one. And of course Rei did; it was hardly normal behaviour for Kai, so it must have meant _something_!

Rei sighed. He just didn't know what to think anymore. Kai was so confusing.

"Can't sleep?" Kai's voice suddenly penetrated his thoughts, and Rei struggled for a moment to prevent his heart from leaping out through his mouth.

"I've slept so much, Kai, I can't sleep anymore!"

A small sound, almost incomprehensible to a human ear, made Rei wonder for a moment if Kai was laughing at him, but before he could really decipher it, another significantly louder and less reassuring noise reverberated throughout the room; the painfully shrill trill of a mobile phone. Again, Rei had to think a little before he could identify it, but as the realisation hit him, he couldn't help but groan. He sat up slowly, blinking a few times in an attempt to stop the room from spinning, but was saved from having to go any further as Kai, realising what he was going to do, crossed the room, kneeling by the side of Rei's bed and retrieving hiss phone from his bag. He handed it to his team mate, before taking a seat on the end of the bed.

Leaning against the headboard, Rei gave Kai a grateful smile and settled down for that he knew would be an excruciatingly long and boring conversation. Finally, he answered the call.

"Hey, Mariah. What's up?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kai arch an eyebrow, evidently unimpressed by the nature of the interruption, and reached for his hand, squeezing it as he gave Kai an apologetic look. Kai frowned slightly, looking for a moment at their linked hands, and Rei tensed, slightly worried as he wondered if he'd crossed some sort of boundary in Kai's somewhat less-than-healthy mind. He was reassured, though, as Kai linked their fingers together, his frown fading as he allowed himself to take some comfort in the gesture, although his eyes remained narrowed slightly in a sort of abstract curiosity. Again Rei squeezed his hand, trying to get his attention, to try and see what he was thinking, and couldn't help but stare in some shock as Kai's eyes met his, and in them he saw the loss, the uncertainty, the fear of rejection that he usually kept so well hidden. He looked… lost. And all Rei had done was squeeze his hand.

"-y'know, Rei?"

"Oh, uhh… yeah, of course."

Rei replied, utterly non-committal but apparently satisfactory; Mariah continued in a similar vein and Rei was allowed to direct his attention back to Kai, shifting in his seat slightly to get a closer look at those eyes.

Kai watched him, still wary but unable to take his eyes off the other boy or move his hand from his grasp. For once he couldn't tell what Rei was thinking, and it bothered him because there was definitely something there, something _different_ in his expression that he wanted to understand. He _needed_ to understand; he couldn't have Rei keeping something this serious from him. It was strange, though, because Rei couldn't usually hide his emotions. He tried, but Kai had grown up surrounded by cheats and liars and was used to having to read others. Not that he was comparing Rei to them. Rei was nothing like them; he had his share of problems, sure, but he hadn't suffered at the hands of other human beings like they had. He still knew how to trust, and Kai… couldn't help but wonder if maybe he could teach him.

He didn't even have time to dismiss that thought before he noticed that he and Rei were much closer than they had been before. What was happening? Why couldn't he stop doing this? He was supposed to be trying to keep his distance, but at the moment he couldn't even do that, literally _or_ figuratively. Not with the way that Rei was looking at him, _staring_ at him with an emotion he couldn't identify evident in his eyes. Like Kai, he was being honest for a change, and once they'd started neither of them seemed able to do a thing to stop it. They knew they shouldn't; knew that doing this would have consequences for both of them _and_ their relationship, but they were lost in the moment. There had been a distance between them but it was closing; they couldn't focus on anything but each other, the feeling of their hands touching and the thought that it could be so much more than that.

And they were so close. Kai could feel Rei's breath ghosting over his lips, and knew that Rei could feel his. He could feel his own heart pounding in his chest, his pulse racing in anticipation as the gap between them grew smaller still. It would take only the slightest push to close that final, agonising gap, but for a moment, they both hesitated, unsure of what one simple gesture would change between them.

"_Rei!_ Are you listening to me?"

The sound made them both jump, the phone having been completely forgotten even though Rei was still holding it to his ear. In an instant, Kai had pulled his hand from Rei's and left the room. Rei winced as he heard the door slam, wanting desperately to call after him, plead with him to come back but suddenly all-too-aware of Mariah's presence. Wordlessly, he ended the call, and switched his phone off, thinking vaguely that he could tell her that his phone had run out of battery then wondering why he even needed to bother with an excuse. She'd forgive him for anything, and at that point in time he wanted nothing more than for her to have to suffer. He had been so close, _so_ damn close to finally kissing Kai for real for real, and she'd interrupted what had to be the only chance he'd ever have. Kai had issues with his emotions; Rei knew that from the last few days' experience, and if anything was going to make him even more distant than he'd always been, it was that. He'd had one chance, and he'd blown it. Any try as he might, he couldn't blame Mariah. It was his fault too, for not having the strength to find out sooner.

End chapter 

Yeah, I know. It's been years. Computer went kaput and had to buy a new one. And I don't earn all that much. Still, my new laptop Nicholas is willing and able to serve. If you can guess who he's named after, you can have a shiny penny. Think England, cornettos and shortcuts.

C'mon, people, still gots to beat Mimi ! She's updating too! It'll make me happy, and I'll update faster...


	7. Chapter 7

_Summary: When Rei gets sick, Kai's left playing nursemaid, but do either of them really mind?_

Start chapter:

Rei sat there for a long time after that, trying desperately to understand exactly what had just happened. He and Kai had nearly kissed, that much he'd gathered, and Kai had left and hadn't come back all night. But what had physically happened wasn't the problem; it was the emotions that came with it. _His_ he could understand; he was upset, annoyed and bitterly disappointed, but Kai's… those he couldn't fathom. Was the other boy angry with him for trying to get that close? Or was he just scared of showing his real feelings? God, he didn't know. The two of them _had _been getting closer; he'd thought that over and over again, and he'd thought that Kai had noticed it too; he'd certainly been a lot friendlier these past few days. But he'd gone and blown it, unfortunately not literally. What the hell was wrong with him, trying something like that while on the phone? Especially to Mariah; if anyone was likely to ruin a moment, she was definitely in his top 3. Along with Tyson and his grandpa. Their simple presence could be enough to kill the mood.

Still, after hours and hours of thinking, Rei could only come to one conclusion. He needed to talk to Kai. The idea was laughable; nothing was more likely to make Kai distant than the implication that he had emotions, but it couldn't be avoided. Rei needed to know how he felt, otherwise he'd wonder for the rest of his life. And then, on his deathbed, Kai would tell him he'd always loved him. That's what would happen… or something along those lines. Something painfully ironic. Of course, since he was going to talk to Kai he was going to find out that the older boy had just mistaken him for a girl or something. That was the way life worked, Rei had realised recently. It kicks you in the balls and laughs.

This whole situation was making him horribly negative. It wasn't good for him, this whole issue of unrequited love. Although maybe it wasn't unrequited. And there he went again, wondering. He had to know! Had to find out.

Kai was something of a psychopath though… sometimes Rei wondered just what it was that he liked about the other boy. He was attractive, sure, but that was hardly a basis for a relationship. He wasn't particularly friendly, considerate, compassionate. Although he had shown that he could be. Maybe that was it; his potential. Rei saw him as he _could_ be, and the romantic fantasy of being able to convert him was difficult to resist. To be the only one who could get through to him, to feel needed by someone who shunned everyone else. _To feel needed_. Really needed. Not like Mariah thought she needed him; needed him to be her strong hunter-gatherer in a horrifically traditional relationship. Needed him to be there, to provide emotional support, to listen and care, or to withdraw tactfully, considering that this was Kai he was dealing with.

Sighing, Rei pulled himself unsteadily to his feet, blinking a few times in an attempt to stop the room from spinning, although he noted with some relief that he was able to suppress the urge to just fall over immediately; something he hadn't been able to manage for the last few days. For that, at least he was thankful; Kai was hardly likely to come to his aid in his current state. Not that he needed help, of course. He just… wanted it. Maybe he wanted to _need_ it. Need Kai.

Rei could hardly believe how hopeless he had become. In the space of less than a week he had been turned from someone with a vague crush on his team captain to a fair imitation of a desperate fangirl. Only more attractive, Rei reminded himself. Also… possibly more to Kai's tastes, judging by a fair number of his actions and his judgement of the comic book that had been sprung on him unexpectedly.

A little hesitantly, Rei made his way to the bedroom door, although it was more from doubt about his team mate's reaction than an inability to walk properly because he'd only been out of bed to use the bathroom in three days. He paused by the door, thinking about what he could possibly say but, at a loss, only waited for a moment before opening it, biting his lip nervously as he peered into the lounge area, quickly identifying the silhouette sitting on the sofa in front of the TV as his target. A glance around the room told him that Tyson and the others were out, providing at least a little relief.

"Kai?" he ventured quietly, slowly stepping closer to the sofa, only glancing at the muted television in front of it. It was showing what looked like a drama; something Kai hated, so the other boy obviously wasn't watching it. The fact that it was on showed Kai was looking for a distraction, but judging by the way he was vacantly staring at the space a few inches above the television, it clearly wasn't providing one. Rei tried again, "Kai. We need to talk."

The only reaction Rei got was a slight nod, Kai's eyes lowering to stare at the floor. The only light in the room came from the television, the flickering reflecting in those eyes as Kai frowned, looking as confused as Rei felt. When the sound of Kai's voice penetrated the silence, Rei almost jumped. He hadn't expected Kai to venture anything willingly, had thought this would be an agonisingly one-sided conversation.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Rei almost fell over in shock. Kai was… apologising? Still, if he was making an effort to… well, make an effort, Rei would too.

"It… wasn't just you, though, was it?" he asked, trying to be distant, trying not to intrude on Kai's emotions while at the same time desperately seeking an emotional response that would reveal once and for all how the other boy felt about him. It wasn't as easy as it sounded.

"You were feverish. I took advantage. I should have had more control."

Kai was using _that_ line of argument again; Rei wanted to smack some sense into him but knew it would be less than productive. And there was something in Kai's voice that stopped Rei from objecting too harshly, because it sounded suspiciously like… guilt. Kai sounded _guilty_, and Rei wasn't entirely sure which part it was that was making him so. His conviction that he'd been doing it against Rei's will, or the thought that he'd been doing it against his _own_. As though a loss of control was significant enough to tear him up like this. As though the thought of his own emotions was so terrifying.

"Kai, you can't blame that on yourself. It was… mutual. Wasn't it?"

Rei was pushing it slightly, he knew; implying that he had _wanted_ to kiss Kai was walking into a conversational minefield. The question caused Kai to give him a calculating look, and Rei knew he had at least achieved his initial goal. To let Kai know they were thinking the same thing. Because, from the looks, the uncertainty, Rei could only gather that they were. He just hoped to God that he was right, because he was about to take a risk that could not only cause him to lose his limbs, but also one of his most trusted friends. Seating himself on the arm of the sofa, perched a little awkwardly, Rei began to talk, trying not to think too hard, his own way of expressing his thoughts in his hesitancy.

"I don't know what you want me to think, Kai. You're hiding, behind your own walls and the excuse of my illness, and what I want… what I _need _right now is for you to be honest with me. Because I'm scared, Kai. I'm scared that I could lose you over this and I don't want to do that. I trust you, Kai, and although I've been told a fair few times that my trust in you is misplaced, I can't believe that it is. You've always stood by me, and… I can't believe I'm about to say this, but… have you ever been to England? Of course you've been to England, I was there, but… they have this phrase. And I think it's particularly relevant in this situation because… considering what I've said already I think you can pretty much gather what I'm about to say. So I might as well say all of it."

"Rei." Kai attempted to get the other boy's attention, a little confused by his apparently irrelevant rambling, but his attempt went ignored as Rei, lost in his thoughts, simply continued, trying desperately to gather the courage he needed because he knew that sooner or later Kai was bound to snap if he just kept rambling without reaching a conclusion.

"But I have no idea how to say it. That's what I'm trying to do now, but the further I go the worse I get. I just don't know what to do. I can't keep going on like this…"

"Rei." Kai repeated, massaging the bridge of his nose as he, again, had no effect on Rei's monologue.

"I just… God, Kai. It's confusing me because I don't know what to think about how I'm feeling, and about how _you're_ feeling, and-"

"Rei!" Kai, unable to take it anymore, moved to place his hands on Rei's shoulders, actually physically turning the other boy to face him properly, "Shut up."

Rei faltered, shocked and kind of hurt by the interruption, but the moment it took for him to gather himself enough to attempt an objection was slightly longer than the moment it took Kai to curve his fingers around his neck and pull him into a kiss. A _real_ kiss, unlike the one they had shared before, full of passion and promises and, _oh, God_, Kai's tongue was at his lips, soft but insistent, and Rei whimpered as Kai wrapped strong arms around his waist, pulling him down onto the seat without breaking the kiss, pinning him against the arm of the sofa. It was only then that Rei recovered enough to respond, reaching one hand up to tangle his fingers in the soft hair that had always fascinated him while the other rested gently on the small of Kai's back, not feeling quite brave enough to explore just yet. Again, he couldn't help the whimper that escaped his throat against his will as Kai nibbled gently on his bottom lip, and he flushed slightly as he actually felt Kai smile against his lips.

"Don't laugh at me," he objected softly as Kai released his lip, although he smiled himself as another soft kiss reassured him.

"Do you hear me laughing?" Kai asked, and the smile and feigned innocence in his voice made Rei's heart melt.

"Kai…"

"Rei. Please don't talk." Kai requested, adoring Rei's curious look and the way the other boy didn't seem to be able to stop himself from playing with his hair, "My head hurts. I've been thinking too much. Just… tomorrow. I promise."

He looked up to meet Rei's eyes, ignoring the throb of pain that accompanied the movement. Smiling softly, the other boy nodded, and Kai closed his eyes, even the glow from the television penetrating his brain. He felt Rei's hands move, keeping his eyes closed through a combination of pain and trust, unable to keep an appreciative smile from showing as Rei softly began to massage his temples, leaning in to kiss him softly. Lazily, he responded, making a slight noise of objection as Rei pulled back, a thought suddenly occurring to him.

"Won't the others be back soon?"

"Back? They didn't go out," Kai frowned, squinting against the light as he opened his eyes to look at the other boy, whose shocked and horrified expression was completely priceless, "Kidding. What time is it?"

"Kai!" Rei objected loudly, forgetting Kai's headache until the other boy winced at the noise. Lowering the volume, he continued, "Sorry. But that was _mean_."

"My middle name." Kai leaned in for a final kiss before getting to his feet, the reminder of his team mates' imminent return having killed the mood slightly. Especially considering what Tyson's reaction was likely to be. He suppressed a shudder, "I'm going to bed."

He headed for the bedroom, slightly stunned by how much the pain had slowed his reactions as he failed to notice Rei following him, grabbing his wrist as he neared the bedroom door. Wordlessly, Rei pulled him into another kiss, a hint of desperation in the gesture. Unsure of Rei's reasons, but unwilling to upset the other boy by refusing, Kai wrapped an arm around his waist, the feeling of that warm body against his improved only by the knowledge that it was Rei he was holding, _finally_.

"What's wrong?" he asked, as Rei reluctantly let him go, looking a little embarrassed.

"Just… kinda scared I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and this'll all have been a dream."

"It's not." Kai said simply, promising himself that the kiss he gave Rei at that moment would be the last of the night; he really had to get some sleep, "I've only ever had nightmares."

And, leaving Rei to think what he wanted of his somewhat cryptic comment, Kai suppressed the urge to once again kiss that beautiful mouth, since it was getting more and more difficult to withdraw with each one he was forced to end, and settled for stroking his cheek briefly. The uncharacteristically tender gesture was not lost on Rei, who gave him one of the most genuine smiles Kai had ever seen and it was with some difficulty that he left for the bedroom, definitely ready for bed.

Rei stood there for a moment, frowning slightly as he wondered just what Kai had meant, and jumped as the sound of the front door opening and three rather too energetic bladers crashed through the door to land in a heap on the floor.

"You guys alright?" unable to keep the smile from his face, Rei watched them as they attempted to get up, Tyson's muttering about Max needing to go on a diet resulting in a further scuffle as Max retaliated, insulted by the implication that he was the heavier one. Rei rolled his eyes, exchanging a look with Kenny, who nodded a greeting before heading for his room. The bag from a shop with the word "technological" in the title, from what Rei could gather, showed that he'd like to be left alone. Max and Tyson continued to fight, Rei wondering just when the guests in the room below them would complain and thinking that, maybe, finally, things were back to normal. He'd had enough of just lying in bed all day.

"Night, guys," he said, amusement evident in his voice as he headed back to the bedroom, his vow to stay out of bed postponed as he realised just how much the simple act of getting up and having a… slightly heated exchange had drained him. Maybe he wasn't completely better yet. Still, tomorrow would be better.

Climbing into bed, Rei allowed himself a last look at the apparently sleeping form of Kai, an involuntary smile on his face as he closed his eyes, sighing contentedly. Yes, tomorrow would be better, he thought, as sleep began to overcome him.

"Rei," Kai said quietly, and Rei, in his desire for sleep, suddenly registered that the voice was closer than it should have been. Damn, he was getting slow, especially considering that Kai was standing right next to his bed and he hadn't even heard him move. _Damnit_.

"You alright, Kai?" was the drowsy reply, as Kai showed no sign of continuing without a prompt.

"Budge up," Kai's voice was demanding, as usual, but Rei saw in the way the other boy avoided his eyes that he was hesitant about asking. Smiling, he lifted a corner of his cover in invitation.

"Thought you'd never ask."

End chapter

_Hahahaha! Look at the ending, and marvel! For it isn't the last chapter! Which is good, because it would be so bollocks if I ended it there. Do you have that word in America? Bollocks?_

_Nooooooo, I'm getting into this now! I've been sidetracked with House, MD fanfiction (see my account if you love HouseWilson as much as I do) but the thing with writing about doctors is it makes you want to write about sick people! But because I've been watching House so much my Kai and Rei have been getting increasingly out of character. It's cute, though, right?_

_And no, no you were all wrong! Nicholas is named after the Hot Fuzz character, you crazy Americans! Well, until the next chapter!_


End file.
